‘“Don’t write about Man,’ essayist E. B. White observed,“ write about a Man.” Alina Oswald does just that in her book, Journeys Through Darkness and does it powerfully, bringing a poet’s sensitivity to her prose. Her portrait of Kurt Weston, an award-winning photographer who becomes legally blind from AIDS, brings the reality of the disease home to us.” ~ T.J. Banks, author of A Time for Shadows, Catsong (Winner of the 2007 Merial Human-Animal Bond Award), Houdini, and Souleiado
“Alina Oswald gives an enthralling as-told-to account of a vibrant man’s struggle living with a debilitating disease and the onset of blindness.[…] Journeys Through Darkness is an inspiration for the AIDS afflicted or for anyone on the threshold of losing color-filled vision.” ~ Patricia Spork, Freelance Writer and Digital Photo Artist
“Alina Oswald’s biography of Kurt Weston introduces the reader to a subject they may never have encountered before—an artist with AIDS. By striking a balance between writing about the pain of illness and celebrating Kurt’s strength, compassion and creation of striking works of art, Journeys Through Darkness helps to reduce the stigma associated with HIV. Kurt’s story may serve as a source of inspiration to anyone overcoming challenges in their lives. I am proud that others will have the opportunity to learn, through this biography, about Kurt, an artist whose work is featured in the AIDS Museum’s permanent collection. ~ Ashley Grosso, Executive Director, The AIDS Museum
“Journeys Through Darkness is a […] detailed account of [a photographer’s] journey in his life with HIV/AIDS [and related vision loss], an inspiring true story of a man who literally overcame everything. Because of Alina Oswald’s descriptiveness, it feels as if the reader is standing beside her book subject, Kurt Weston, throughout each page.” ~ Lovari, Singer, Songwriter, Actor
“Journeys is riveting…” Arthur Wooten, author of On Picking Fruit, Fruit Cocktail and Birthday Pie
JOURNEYS THROUGH DARKNESS:
An Award-Winning Photographer’s Crusade to Find the Light Through the Darkness of AIDS and Related Blindness
A Biography
By Alina Oswald
Copyright 2012 Alina Oswald. All Rights Reserved.
Smashwords Edition
Photographs by Kurt Weston
Edited by Ira Weitz
Cover Design by Alina Oswald
Cover Photo "Journey Through Darkness" and Chapter Photographs by Kurt Weston
All Rights Reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or introduced into a retrieval system or transmitted in any form, or by any means (electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Chapter Four: Self-Reflections
Chapter Five: Losing the Light
Chapter Six: Journey through Darkness
Chapter Seven: Seeing the Future
Chapter Eight: Modern Crucifixion
Chapter Nine: Arrival of the Angel
Appendix B: Kurt Weston at a Glance
Foreword: “Finding Visionaries”
By Guido A. Sanchez, Former CenterLink Manager, New York City and Former CEO of Hudson Pride Connections, an LGBT and HIV/AIDS Support Organization
I was once asked why I, someone so young (only a few years past a quarter century), could care so deeply about HIV / AIDS that I would commit my life to it, as the Executive Director of the LGBT Community Center & AIDS Service Organization in Northern New Jersey. The question kind of stumped me, and all I could say was “why not?” How could I, an openly gay and proud man, deny that AIDS is one of the single most important parts of my history, my community’s history? AIDS activism continues to suffer today from apathy and puritanism, all the meanwhile our communities are still being decimated, and people are still being infected.
Since AIDS activism rose up within the community-at-large in a very public and graphic way in the mid-1980s, the AIDS community and artists community have had inextricable ties. Artists have tried to represent their experiences with HIV / AIDS (such as the play Angels in America), voice their anger (such as any work by David Wojnarowicz), or force change (such as ACT UP’s ‘Silence=Death’ posters). On a sadder note, there is the undeniable fact that AIDS has decimated our artists community – and anyone who has been a part of the movement has to ask themselves, how many future leaders, painters, writers, singers, dancers, creators, mentors, etc. have we lost to the virus over the last 25 plus years?
Not all of these visionaries were lost, and photographer Kurt Weston has chosen to share his own journey through darkness in his life and work, with the help of biographer Alina Oswald. I first met Alina when she came to our Community Center to write one of her many articles on HIV / AIDS activism and the social service landscape. Alina’s dedication to the grassroots work around HIV has brought her to offer her services as a photographer, and luckily even display some of her art photography in a show at our gallery. This book brings together so many pieces of her vision for a world without AIDS. I’ve never had the opportunity to meet Kurt, but now I feel like I understand artist’s vision much more. Kurt’s openness about his status and his experience, and the way he synergizes that into his art, is a moving inspiration. Kurt cites in the book that he is inspired by those who are inspired by reason, intellect, and compassion, and as Alina weaves his story for us, we see those three traits, and so much more, as Kurt navigates his life as an artist living with HIV. Alina takes us on a journey with Kurt, as we find his artistic vision grow stronger when his vision becomes impaired through AIDS medication, and as his life takes unexpected and surprising turns, all of which he navigates with grace, integrity, and above all, passion.
Now when I get asked how I can devote so much of my energy to AIDS activism, I know I can say that Kurt is the reason I do what I do. Kurt’s ability to inspire, and then to humbly cite his own source of inspiration as others who glean their own inspiration from reason and compassion. That someone’s ability to journey through darkness, and to maintain an immovable passion for helping others journey through that same darkness, to help people travel beyond their fears, hatred, prejudices, and find that light, could be woven into an inspiring tale, that is why we need people like Kurt and Alina. That is why we need stories like this. Now instead of saying, “why not fight with every breath I take” I know what I can say instead.
Guido Sanchez, 2008
Introduction
The photograph featured an old man sitting in a chair, with his back at a tall glass door. The weak daylight poured inside the room to mingle with the pale artificial light of a night lamp. Wide and white, glowing within the shadows, the man’s eyes became yet another source of light in the photograph. With his face drawn and his eyes haunted, he seemed unaware of the mist of shadow and light surrounding him. Rather he gazed beyond the visual sphere of the photograph, as if he found himself at the crossroads between two realms, about to follow a path unfolding in front of him, into some mysterious unknown.
The man in the photograph—his eyes, in particular—haunted me for weeks and months to follow. His story was a mystery to me. At the time there was no way for me to know that I was to embark on a journey of discovery, a journey that would help me unveil his mystery.
I browsed through the Unfinished Works website where the award winning photograph was posted. A few clicks brought me to the story of The Last Light, an image that, as I found out, was the artwork of a visual artist called Kurt Weston.
It so happened that, at the time, I was looking for an artist to interview for an AIDS-related publication. I had found the Unfinished Works website several months earlier and bookmarked it specifically for its Last Light, which now seemed to light the path to the possible subject of my article. Therefore, I emailed Kurt Weston and, luckily for me, he agreed to give me the interview.
Months later I had the opportunity to travel to the West Coast to take part in a celebration of life and triumph over AIDS, as a guest at Joel Rothschild’s party. Diagnosed with AIDS on April 22nd, 1986, Rothschild—an AIDS activist, long-term survivor and bestselling author—believes in the power of living in the moment. He talks about that in his books, Signals—A Story of Life After Life and Hope—A Story of Triumph.
While on the West Coast, I also had the chance to meet Kurt Weston and his partner, Terry Roberts. What followed was an immersion into the visual artist’s world, as I followed Kurt Weston’s journey into darkness and his struggle to rediscover the light.
"The Last Light" by Kurt Weston
Chapter One: The Runway
Preview of a Plague: Glitz, Glamour and Glory of Fashion Photography
“All aboard!”
I’ve always thought of these two words as being part of some script, a symbol of departure, separation, tears and heartache… an ending. I’ve never thought of them as actually being used in real life. But there I was, on an early summer morning, in my own reality, the first time on a train in over fifteen years, settled comfortably in my seat.
“All aboard!”
The two magic words set the train in motion, the conductor’s voice still ringing in my ears as the train pulled slowly out of New York City’s Penn Station, heading to D.C. But, unlike the movies, my first Amtrak experience was not the farewell-y, teary kind, but quite the opposite. In a peculiar way, it symbolized the beginning of a journey and the start of a spiritual transformation.
I was on my way to attend the VSA Arts gallery opening event, personally invited by Kurt Weston. He was one of the twenty-three featured artists selected from a group of 560 artists from around the world.
Formally known as Very Special Arts and founded in 1974 by Ambassador Jean Kennedy Smith, VSA Arts is an international nonprofit organization promoting and showcasing the works of artists with disabilities from over sixty countries. Kurt Weston is not only a VSA Arts featured artist but also a member of VSA’s Board of Directors in California. Each year he attends the annual VSA National Convention in Washington, D.C.
As part of the event Kurt Weston and his partner, gay rights and AIDS activist Terry Roberts, attended in 2005, there was also an art show displaying works created by children with disabilities. One of the winners was a girl from California who, while paralyzed from the neck down, could paint by holding the brush in her mouth.
At this event it is not unusual for Kurt and Terry to meet with senators and to advocate for the continuation of funding for the arts and education, funding which is vital for the careers of many potentially good artists. It was during a reception following one of these meetings that the visual artist had the chance to meet Senator Ted Kennedy, his sister Jean Kennedy Smith and Senator John Kerry.
The three were squeezing their way through the reception room as everyone present reached out to shake their hands and greet them. As Kurt Weston took his turn to shake Ted Kennedy’s hand, the director of VSA Arts California, who was also present at the reception, took a snapshot of the quick handshake for which, even today, Weston considers himself lucky.
When he first mentioned the 2006 VSA Arts event to me, I was hesitant. I guess because it wasn’t something that happened to me everyday. Kurt Weston’s artwork has fascinated me ever since I first set my eyes on The Last Light, even if only through the samples posted on the artist’s website. But I had never had the opportunity to look at the actual photographs and touch them, and try to connect with them. The VSA Arts event opening provided me with this very unique opportunity, and there was no way I was going to miss it.
And so, on a glorious weekend in early June 2006, I found myself for the first time on the Amtrak. The train trip itself ended up being a surprisingly positive experience; the weekend, an artistic adventure.
One of Weston’s winning entries welcomed us—Kurt, Terry and myself—as we first entered the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, where the event took place. The featured photograph, Losing the Light, is part of Weston’s Blind Vision series of self-portraits capturing the artist’s vision of his blindness, showing people the physical and emotional impact that visual loss can have on an individual.
AIDS-related retinitis has left the photographer totally blind in his left eye and only with some limited peripheral vision in his right eye. Therefore, he cannot focus or see things clearly anymore. He can only make out tones of colors. He also experiences floaters, or what he describes as “pieces of cotton that are stuck in my eye and keep floating and flashing every time I move my eye.”
While searching for a way to represent this visual disturbance, Kurt Weston decided to use something obstructive in the photograph to block the viewers from seeing his face in the image. The result was a series of self-portraits known today as the Blind Vision series. He ended up taking each photograph in this series sitting behind a glass sprayed with foaming glass cleaner. He started by spraying the foam all over the glass, and then he wiped the foam away with his hand or sometimes just let it drip. He then pressed his face and hands against the glass, while taking the photographs through the glass, using a camera with a self-timer. “You see my hand pushing away the foam, which is what I would love to do,” he says explaining the technique. “I would like to be able to wipe away all that cotton that keeps floating in front of my eye and get a clear view of what I want to see out in the world.”
On that early summer evening, the sunset light poured through the tall windows of the Kennedy Center of Performing Arts building, glowing onto Kurt Weston’s Losing the Light and bringing me even closer to the photograph. I could see the artist’s face and fingertips pressing against glass trying to push away the foam, but I couldn’t recognize him. I reached out and aligned my fingertips with the foamy imprints. And they almost overlapped, briefly pulling me inside the photograph, allowing me to see the world through the artist’s eyes, from within its blackness.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t hang around for too long because there were too many people around me, pulling me out of my reverie. Besides, we had to move farther to other images, sculptures and paintings in the gallery.
Soon, I found more of Weston’s works. They were two digital images, part of a more recent body of work, which the artist calls the Visual Assist series. One of the images in this series shows the photographer holding an old camera. I wondered if it was the same camera he was cradling in his hand as he walked next to Terry and me. He would snap pictures, talk to people, admire others’ works and sign cards for those lined up to get his autograph. At times he would hand the camera to his partner and pose for pictures with members of VSA Arts and other artists.
Kurt and Terry have been together for many years. They belong together. Their relationship is a bridge, a connection some call “oneness” that can survive the physical existence and continue into the vast beyond that follows.
Someone once said that people who live together for a long time and who belong together start looking alike… Maybe it’s true. I recognized these subtle “similarities” in Terry, who was wearing a navy blue suit with tie to match, and also in Kurt, dressed up in black slacks and shirt and a gray jacket.
The two men are approximately the same age, same height at about six feet two, with their hair trimmed almost military style. They move flawlessly together and finish each other’s sentences.
Maybe the best term to describe the couple would be “gentleness.” While Kurt is the communicator, Terry is the quiet, almost shy, kind of person ready to escape the large crowds in order to focus on more important things, like making everybody feel at home even in the strangest of places. He’d be the one offering someone his chair or bringing somebody a cup of coffee or something to eat from the snack table and he would not rest until making sure everybody is set and content.
As we walked around the gallery and admired the works of artists from the United States, South Africa, Australia and other places, Kurt started to snap pictures left and right. And watching his hands cradle the camera with much care, I wondered how many of the images would end up in his portfolio. After all, it was with that dark and aged Nikon that Weston started his career in photography and, with it, the beginning of his journey to become the innovative visual artist he is today.
Kurt Weston bought the Nikon camera in 1983, when he was preparing to go back to school, to pursue his second degree—a Bachelor’s of Fine Arts in photography from Chicago’s Columbia College. At the time, he was working in fashion merchandising and attending various fashion shows was part of his job. At one of these events, he brought his (then) brand new camera along with him and snapped a few pictures. One of the images, The Runway, is now part of his visual art portfolio and it marks the beginning of his career in photography.
Weston’s passion for photography started early in life, when his high school offered, for the very first time, a photography course which utilized a darkroom with a full complement of essential equipment. That marked his first contact with the world of real photography. Years later, while in college and still debating on what his major was going to be, an art history course reintroduced Weston to photography and, thus, jumpstarted his interest in an artistic pursuit. But following that dream was no easy matter.
“How the hell are you gonna make a living being an artist?” his father asked when Kurt first expressed his interest in pursuing a career in the arts. So, because his father was paying for his education at the time (1975), Kurt decided to enroll in Fashion Merchandising at Northern Illinois University, in the town of DeKalb, Illinois. It sounded like a great idea, because to work in the fashion merchandising industry, Kurt could mix the artistic creativity he loved, to determine what was “in fashion,” with the sense of business he needed to develop in order to determine how best to sell fashion merchandises and, therefore, to make money and achieve the stability his father was talking about.
Weston graduated from Northern Illinois University in 1979 and landed a marketing job in the staff service division at Hart Schaffner and Marx, a famous brand clothing and suit manufacturing company in Chicago with a century-old tradition, known today as Hartmarx. But the excitement of taking the first steps towards a safe and stable career path in fashion merchandizing was short lived. Two years into his first job, Weston started to become increasingly disappointed with his work and realized he was ready for something more exciting. So he quit Hart Schaffner and Marx and started looking for something else.
His second job was also in the fashion industry, but this time in retail. Weston ended up managing a custom shirt shop. And yet again, it didn’t take long for his second job to become less enlightening and less interesting than he had hoped it would be.
The experience brought him even more disappointment with his profession and with his career choice. Suddenly, the safety net his professional path was offering him slipped into second place, while his desire to do something he really loved took priority. Kurt realized that, despite his experience with his two jobs in fashion merchandising, his passion for the arts, in particular for photography, had remained intact. And because by then, his father’s obligation to finance his education was through—as a matter of fact, by then his father was pretty much out of Kurt’s life—the future photographer decided to follow his heart and the artistic pursuit he’d always desired.
So, in 1983 Weston quit his job at the custom shirt shop, took out school loans and enrolled in a Bachelor’s in Fine Arts degree at Chicago’s Columbia College to study photography. He went to school full-time and devoted all his time and energy to his studies. And he excelled in all of his courses. Nowadays, the artist attributes his excellent grades to the exuberant sense of liberation and enthusiasm he felt as he began studying what he really loved.