THE MOST INTERESTING PEOPLE WHO LIVE LIFE: 250 ANECDOTES

By David Bruce

Dedicated with Love to Carl Eugene Bruce

Copyright 2009 by Bruce D. Bruce

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Cover Photograph

Photographer: Serghei Starus

Agency: Dreamstime.com

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The Most Interesting People Who Live Life: 250 Anecdotes

Chapter 1: From Advice to Death

Advice

• It helps to know what you’re getting into before you get into it. At a rodeo, a girl from Cincinnati, Ohio, entered a bucking stock contest and drew a bull by the name of Bone Crusher. Shortly before she was scheduled to ride, she asked the stock contractor, “What’s going to happen when I get on?” He asked, “Have you ever ridden bucking stock before?” She replied, “No, I haven’t. I’ve never ridden anything before.” And while another girl, 16-year-old Diane Schott, was sitting on a bull moments before it was released to begin bucking in a rodeo arena, an attendant asked her, “Are you nervous?” She ignored him, so he said, “Well, you better get nervous.” It’s good advice—you can stay on the bull’s back longer if all of your muscles are tense.

• A friend of Guardian columnist Oliver Burkeman remembers being in her final week at her university. She asked her favorite tutor, a feminist historian and pioneer of the field, for some advice—the advice that she would give her younger self. Of course, this provided an opportunity to say something profound—or pretentious. However, the pioneer of feminist history replied, “Use moisturizer every day—and don’t forget your neck.” This may sound flippant, but Mr. Burkeman writes, “True, it wasn’t particularly inspirational advice. But anyone can do inspirational advice. It’s actionable advice that’s truly rare.”

• Frank Sinatra and Sammy Davis, Jr., were friends, but when Sammy started taking cocaine, Frank dropped him as a friend—fast. For three years, they didn’t talk, but then they happened to meet again. Frank said, “Sam, I’m so f**king disappointed in you, with that s**t. Dump it. You’re breaking your friends’ hearts, Sam.” Sammy replied, “I’ll give it up, Frank.” Then he gave it up.

Alcohol

• Some preachers at a restaurant were served the wrong dessert—watermelon spiked with alcohol. Learning of the mistake, the maitre d’hotel asked a waiter to get the dessert back if the preachers hadn’t already started eating it. However, the waiter reported that the preachers had already started eating the dessert. “In that case,” said the maitre d’hotel, “do they like it?” “They didn’t say,” replied the waiter. “They were too busy putting the seeds in their pockets.”

• Oscar Wilde used to dine at Chez Weber on rue Royale in Paris, where he was accustomed to order a drink and a bottle of Vichy water. The drink was for himself, and he used the water to freshen the sunflower he carried with him as a young poet about town.

• Craig McNair Wilson wonders what kind of wine Jesus drank at the Last Supper. Perhaps a nice Christian Brothers Cabernet.

Animals

• A Quaker had a cow that had the habit of kicking over the milk bucket. One day, the Quaker started milking the cow, and when the milk bucket was half full, the cow kicked it over. So the Quaker started milking the cow again, and when the bucket was half full again, the cow kicked it over again. Once more, the Quaker started milking the cow, but for a third time the cow kicked over the milk bucket. Finally, the Quaker, a nonviolent person, could stand it no longer. He walked to the head of the cow and told it, “Friend cow, thee knows I will not curse thee. And thee knows I will not beat thee. But has thee considered that I can sell thee to a Presbyterian?” (Note: Presbyterians are welcome to change the end of this story.)

• Preachers in the frontiers backwoods were sometimes astonished by the ignorance of the people they attempted to win over for the Lord. One frontier preacher saw a man laboring in the fields and asked him if he wanted to be “a laborer for the Lord.” The man answered, “No, thank you. I have a job.” A Presbyterian preacher once asked a frontier woman if any Presbyterians were in that part of the country. She answered that she didn’t know exactly what a Presbyterian was, but he could look at the back of the cabin, where her husband kept the skins of the animals he had killed, because “if there’s any Presbyterians in this country, he’s caught one by now.”

• At a public park, a woman told author Michael Thomas Ford, who was walking his dog, “Can’t you read the signs? Dogs have to be on leashes. What if your dog attacks my little girl?” Mr. Ford looked at the little girl, who was happily playing with his dog, then he replied, “I’ll tell you what. If he bites her, I’ll have him shot. And if your little girl bites him, I’ll have her shot.”

• Early in his career, Pop artist Andy Warhol worked at a television station where he drew suns and clouds for an early-morning weather report. Only his hand was shown as he drew the pictures, but his hand needed makeup because of its excessive whiteness. By the way, Mr. Warhol kept twenty cats as pets—all of them were named Sam.

Art

• At the age of twenty-four, Michelangelo Buonarroti sculpted the masterpiece known as the Pietà, which depicts the dead body of Jesus held in his mother Mary’s arms. People did not believe that a twenty-four-old man could have carved such a masterpiece, so Michelangelo carved into Mary’s sash these words: “Michel Angelus Bonarotus Florent Faciebat.” The Latin means, “Michelangelo Buonarroti of Florence made it.” This is the only artwork signed by Michelangelo.

• Sometimes, it can be difficult even for the cartoonist to keep up with every little detail about the characters he or she has created. For example, in one cartoon Alison Bechdel, creator of Dykes to Watch Out For, has her character Clarice mention a tattoo, but in all the cartoons that Ms. Bechdel has drawn of Clarice naked, a tattoo has never been shown.

• James McNeill Whistler used drawings of a butterfly to adorn his letters. Whenever he wrote a biting comment in a letter, he would also put in a drawing of a butterfly—but he would give the tail end of the butterfly a stinger.

• Movie sales agent Irvin Shapiro has a Picasso hanging on a wall of his office—when he was a young man, he had traded a bottle of wine to Picasso for the painting.

Automobiles

• Guardian columnist John Crace writes that the American-made “Cozy Coupe is a stunningly unattractive red and yellow plastic Little Tikes pedal car that, if you have children, has at some point or other almost certainly blocked your hallway or crashed into your kitchen table and had you longing for the day when you could offload it on to some other poor sucker.” He bought his son a Cozy Coupe, but it quickly developed a problem: one of the front wheels kept falling off. Was this a fault in manufacturing the vehicle? No. The front wheel kept falling off because Mr. Crace kept loosening the nut on the bolt that kept the wheel on the Cozy Coupe. Mr. Crace told his son, “Oh dear, Robbie. It seems to be broken. Perhaps we should get rid of it.”

• In 1990, tennis player Monica Seles defeated Steffi Graf to win the French Open. To motivate herself to win tournaments, the teenaged Monica often promised herself a reward, such as a new stuffed animal or a new piece of clothing. But this time she had promised herself a brand-new, bright yellow, very expensive sports car—a Lamborghini. However, her parents vetoed this idea on the grounds that a 16-year-old was too young to have a $130,000 automobile.

• Nancy Cartwright, the voice of TV’s Bart Simpson, owns these vanity license plates: ELBARTO and DNTHVCW (short for Don’t Have a Cow). Before she could afford to buy good cars, she owned a 1968 Opel Kadette, paying $350 for it although it could barely go 45 mph. Because people got so angry at how slowly she drove, she put this bumper sticker on it: “It’s floored.”

• At the 1984 Olympic Games in Los Angeles, American gymnast Mary Lou Retton won five medals. Afterwards, the 16-year-old looked forward to getting her driver’s license. However, because Ms. Retton is only 4-feet-9, her father said, “She’ll have to sit on a cushion; she can’t even reach the gas pedal.”

Baseball

• Baseball’s Jose Canseco is known for his hitting and running, not for his fielding. In 1963, his Texas Rangers were playing the Indians in Cleveland. A long fly ball came Mr. Canseco’s way and he ran into position under it, then looked to see how close he was to the fence. Big mistake. The ball hit Mr. Canseco on the head, then it bounced over the wall for a Cleveland home run. However, Mr. Canseco was able to joke about the error. After the game, he asked, “Anybody got a Band-aid?” His teammates were also able to joke about it. Jeff Huson referred to soccer, a sport in which players can hit the ball with their head, when he said, “The World Cup is coming to Dallas in 1994. Jose was just practicing.”

• Baseball player Mark Fidrych was known for talking to the ball. Pitcher Rip Sewell once joked that he also talked to the ball. Sometimes after throwing it, he would yell, “Come back! Come back!”

Basketball

• Jerry West was a great scorer for both West Virginia University and the Los Angeles Lakers. As a kid, he practiced for many, many hours—even during rainstorms. Once, when he was 10 years old, he and a friend played basketball in a big rainstorm—young Jerry had to come into his house three times to change his sopping-wet sneakers.

• The last time Michael Jordan played in the old Chicago Stadium before it was torn down was in a charity game organized by Scottie Pippin. Mr. Jordan scored 52 points to lead his team to victory, and as he left the game with six seconds left, he kissed the Chicago Bulls logo in the center of the court to say goodbye.

Bathrooms

• The Ramones were one of the greatest rock bands ever onstage, but apparently managing the Ramones backstage was a lot like managing a bunch of unruly children on a school bus. According to Ramones guitar tech George Tabb, just before going onstage for a concert, Dee Dee would say that he had to go the bathroom. Exasperated, tour manager Monte A. Melnick would say, “Dee Dee, didn’t I ask you before if you had to go?” Dee Dee would reply, “But, Monte, I didn’t have to go then. I have to go now.” Then Monte would ask, “Joey, are you sure you don’t have to go?” Joey would reply, “No, I don’t have to go.” Next, Johnny would say, “Make him go, Monte.” And Joey would say, “Tell Johnny to f**k off, but I’ll go.” According to an exasperated Mr. Monte, both Dee Dee and Joey had small bladders.

• Competitive figure skating can be nerve-racking, so the skaters often don’t wish to hear the competition’s scores. Canadian skater Brian Orser used to turn on the shower in the men’s dressing room so he couldn’t hear the competition’s scores being announced over the loudspeaker. American skater Elaine Zayak used to flush toilets whenever her competition’s scores were announced.

• Indianapolis high school senior Tim Wood once set the world record for sit-ups, doing 15,525 in 10 hours. After Mr. Wood finally finished setting the world record, a reporter asked him what he was going to do next. Mr. Wood replied, “Go to the bathroom.”

Behavior—Bad and Good

• In 1985, Lyn St. James drove at Watkins Glen, New York, in an IMSA GT race. She was supposed to share driving duties with another driver named Whitney Ganz, but when she came in for the final pit stop, she refused to get out of the car and let Mr. Ganz take over. She ended up winning the race, but she was alone at the victory celebration after crossing the finish line, even though normally the crew celebrates with the winning driver. In protest at her hogging the glory, the members of her crew stayed away.

• After African-American runner Wilma Rudolph became THE story of the 1960 Rome Olympic Games, she was given a dinner in her hometown of Clarksville, Tennessee—the first-ever integrated dinner there. County Judge William Hudson eulogized her with tears in his eyes: “If I can overcome my emotion, I’ll make you a little speech. Wilma has competed with the world and brought home three gold medals. If you want to get good music out of a piano, you have to play both white and black keys.”

Boxing

• After boxer Cassius Clay, who later changed his name to Muhammad Ali, won a gold medal at the 1960 Olympic Games in Rome, he wore it constantly. He even wore it to bed, even though he had to sleep on his back to keep the medal from digging into his skin. His father was just as proud of the medal as young Cassius, and he celebrated by painting the front steps to their home red, white, and blue.

• Professional boxer Sam Langford once touched gloves with an opponent before the first round, although usually boxers touch gloves before the final round. However, Sam explained ringside that it was the final round—then he knocked out his opponent.

Children

• When professional beach volleyball player Gabrielle Reece was a child, she lived with her mother in Mexico City after her parents split up. But when three-year-old Gabrielle developed whooping cough, her mother decided that the air—much polluted—of Mexico City was bad for her young daughter, so Gabrielle went to live with her mother’s best friends, Norette and Joe Zucarello, in Long Island, New York. Gabrielle stayed with “Aunt” Norette and “Uncle” Joe until she was seven, when her mother sent for her again to come live with her in Puerto Rico. By this time, Gabrielle wanted to stay with the Zucarellos, and she stood on the couch, pleading, “Can’t you get a lawyer?” However, the Zucarellos respected the wishes of Gabrielle’s mother, although Norette cried every day for 12 months after Gabrielle had gone.

• Ecaterina Szabo started training with Bela Karolyi at a very young age. In fact, she was younger than Mr. Karolyi wanted his athletes to be. While on a hunting trip, Mr. Karolyi was asked by a fellow hunter to look at the five-year-old daughter of the hunter’s brother to see if she could become a gymnast. Mr. Karolyi did so, but he explained that the girl would have to be six years old to attend his gymnastics school. Nevertheless, the girl and her father appeared at his school one day. Mr. Karolyi wasn’t sure what to do, so he left to ask advice from his wife, Martha. When he returned, the young girl’s father had disappeared and she was crying. She stayed at the school, and in 1984, she earned silver in the all-around competition at the Los Angeles Olympics. (Mary Lou Retton earned the gold.)

• When Zen master Seisetsu was a boy studying at a temple, he was asked to rub the back of a samurai warrior who had traveled a long way. The samurai was deeply grateful, and he promised Seisetsu a new religious robe the next time he returned from the capital. After the samurai had returned to the capital and then come back to the temple, Seisetsu again rubbed the samurai’s back and asked him about the robe. “I completely forgot,” said the samurai. Seisetsu grew enraged, and shouted, “What kind of samurai is this who says one thing and does another?” Then he hit the samurai on the head and stalked off. The samurai was impressed by Seisetsu and told the boy’s Zen teacher to take good care of him.

• When Erma Bombeck’s first book, At Wit’s End, was published, she went on her first tour to publicize it. At one book signing, she spent three hours in a department store with a stack of her books on the desk at which she was sitting, but only two people approached her: A woman wanted directions to the ladies room, and a man asked her the price of the desk. Later, after she had written several bestsellers, the lines of people waiting to have her autograph a book became very long. Once, a woman with an infant waited in line to have Ms. Bombeck sign a book. When Ms. Bombeck said that the infant was adorable, the woman replied, “Thank you. It was born in the line.”

• Rhett Miller, lead vocalist for the popular alterative country/rock band The Old 97’s, is a funny guy. Asked about his hidden talents, he says, “I can hang at least eight spoons from my face (including ears) at once. I do this to amuse small children and embarrass bigger children. I did it at my own wedding reception. I intend to do it at my funeral.” And when asked about what is “essential to life: coffee, vodka, cigarettes, chocolate, or…,” he says, “Jameson’s Irish Whisky. I used to think sleep, but now that I have kids I know that to be false. You can live without it, but man, you get cranky sometimes.”

• Nikolai Andrianov, a Soviet athlete, became an Olympic and World Champion in men’s gymnastics in the ’70s, but the road to athletic perfection was difficult. As a boy, he used to smoke cigarettes as one of his friends tried to convince him to start taking gymnastics lessons. Once he did start taking the lessons, he didn’t last long, dropping out after a month. Fortunately, his coach, Nikolai Tolkachov, hunted for him, grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, and dragged him into the gym—to keep him out of trouble and off the streets. At the 1976 Olympic Games in Montreal, Mr. Andrianov won seven medals.

• Birth control is controversial for many people. Raymond Wilson, a Quaker who was at one time the secretary to the Friends Committee on National Legislation, spoke long ago about government support for birth control. A woman Quaker said to him after the talk, “I am the youngest of six children, and where would I be if my parents had practiced birth control?” Mr. Wilson answered, “But Friend, neither I nor the FCNL have ever suggested that this policy should be applied retroactively.”

• This is a good project to do with children. Each fall, people see beautifully colored leaves, but of course the leaves eventually dry out and lose their beautiful colors. Here is a way to keep that from happening: Put a leaf between two pieces of waxed paper, then put the leaf and waxed paper between two pieces of brown butcher’s paper. Finally, iron both pieces of butcher’s paper. The wax from the waxed paper will be melted onto the leaf and it will neither dry out nor lose its beautiful color.

• Olympic-gold-medal-winning speed skater Bonnie Blair started skating when she was only two years old. Often, children that young wear what are known as “double-runners” when they skate—instead of having just one blade per skate, each skate has two, placed about one inch apart, in order to make it easier for the child to balance. However, young Bonnie didn’t get that advantage. Instead, her family got the smallest regular skates they could find and Bonnie learned to skate in them.

• President Abraham Lincoln gave many pardons to soldiers who were accused of dereliction of duty. His sons, Tad and Willie, played with a doll they named Jack. Pretending that Jack was a soldier, the two boys gave him a trial and sentenced him to death for sleeping while on picket duty, and then they asked their father to pardon Jack. President Lincoln wrote on Executive Mansion stationery, “The doll Jack is pardoned. By order of the President. A. Lincoln.”

• David, Donny, and Darren are identical triplets, and unsurprisingly, other people sometimes get mixed up when trying to tell them apart. More surprisingly, they have been known to get mixed up themselves. Darren was at the dinner table, and he got up for some water. Donny also got up, and Darren said, “David, you need to wait until I’m done.” Donny laughed, and Darren realized his mistake: “Oh, no. You’re Donny, not David!”

• Women’s gymnast Olga Korbut became the media darling—and the darling of gymnastics fans worldwide—at the 1972 Olympic Games. She was only seventeen years old, weighed 85 pounds, and stood only 4 feet, 11 inches tall. Just a few years before the Olympics, she had been very troubled because of all the students in her class at school, she was the shortest.

• Before her first Olympic Games, in 1988, 15-year-old Svetlana Boginskaya did not understand how important a competition it was, and because she was tired, she nearly dropped out. She says, “My coach nearly had a heart attack.” Fortunately, she competed and won two gold medals: one for the team competition and one for the vault.

• Sometimes, competitions don’t go the way athletes want them to go. At her very first competition as a young gymnast, four-time Canadian World Championship Team Member Yvonne Tousek started her floor exercise, completely forgot her routine, started crying, and ran off the mat.

• When salsa singer Rubén Blades was campaigning to become President of his native Panama, he accidentally broke the strap on a little girl’s sandal. He promised to replace the sandal, and he went into a drug store and bought her a new pair of sandals.

• Olympic gold medalist diver Pat McCormack grew up in a household with an older brother as a favorite companion. She says that she didn’t realize she was a girl until she was playing football at age 10 and heard someone say, “Block that dame!”

• When children’s book illustrator Anna M. Rich was very young, her mother kept a baby book about her. Under “Baby’s First Words,” her mother wrote, “Anna knows all her colors.”

Christmas

• Do you know the legend behind the tinsel used to decorate Christmas trees? When Jesus was an infant, his family took him and fled from the cruel leader Herod, who was trying to kill the Christ-child. They came to a cave, where they sheltered. A spider saw the Christ-child, felt sorry for him, and wondered what he could do to help. Finally, the spider decided to make a web across the entrance of the cave to serve as a blanket against the cold night air. The next morning, when Herod’s soldiers arrived, looking for the Christ-child, they did not enter the cave, because they saw the spider’s web glittering with dew and thought that no one could be inside the cave because they would have broken the web. The Christmas-tree tinsel represents the spider’s web, wet with dew, glittering in the sun.

• Even as a young child, Wayne Gretzky loved playing hockey. When the grass froze each winter, his father, Walter, created a personal hockey rink for Wayne by flooding the backyard with water. Young Wayne and his friends played hockey there, and Wayne even bribed his friends with nickels to keep them playing longer. His Christmas gifts each year included hockey nets because, his father explained, “These didn’t last too long. Every Christmas, he looked forward to hockey nets. He never bothered with toys or guns as a little boy.” When Wayne was still a little boy, he lost three front teeth. Driving to the hospital, his father told him, “You look like a hockey player.” And as a young player, Wayne had so many newspaper articles written about him that his teammates nicknamed him “Ink .”

• Many Christians say, “Keep Christ in Christmas.” This is good advice, and it’s nice to know that Christ is also in Xmas, since X in Greek is the symbol for Christ.

Church

• Old-time Church of Christ preachers felt no compunction about borrowing sermons from other preachers—and were often encouraged to do so. A young preacher, Cornelius Abbott, once borrowed a sermon from an older preacher, H. Leo Boles, and used it as needed. One Sunday, the young preacher was giving the sermon when he noticed preacher Boles sitting in the congregation. He broke off giving the sermon, and said to preacher Boles, “I did not see you in the audience, and if I had I would not be here delivering your sermon.” Preacher Boles stood up and said, “That’s all right. The fellow I got it from said you could preach it, too.”

• All too often, we forget that wonders occur in the World. During frontier days, a Baptist visited Jefferson, Texas, then returned home, where he told his friends that he had seen ice being made during July. Members of his church found out about this claim and were convinced that the man was lying, but first they decided to send another man to Jefferson, Texas, to investigate the first man’s claim. This man, too, reported that he had seen ice being made during the hot days of summer. The Baptists threw both men out of their congregation for lying. (Jefferson, Texas, is the place where the first artificial ice was made in the United States.)

• Msgr. Vincent Fecher is a Catholic priest in Uvalde, Texas, where drought is often a problem. Frequently, he and his congregation pray for rain. One week, parishioners formed a praying procession. Before the 6:30 a.m. Mass, parishioners marched around the block as they prayed the rosary in behalf of rain. This worked—rain fell. However, the processions took place in mid-August, and the rain fell in late September. Nevertheless, Father Vincent told the parishioners that the delay was understandable—whenever you order something it often takes five to six weeks for delivery.

• The very young and very tired daughter of a Salvation Army churchgoer disrupted one sermon by crying out “Amen! Amen!” over and over again, despite being hushed by her mother. Later, the daughter told her mother, “I kept saying, ‘Amen,’ but that man would not stop talking.”

Clothing

• When Olympic medalist Shannon Miller was born, her feet turned inward, so she had to wear a brace to make her feet grow straight. This may have made her shoe-conscious. When young Shannon started crawling, her mother “lost” her in a mall. At first, her mother wasn’t panicked—Shannon had been present a moment ago—but she looked and couldn’t find her, so she requested help from sale clerks. Eventually, Shannon was located in the men’s department—she had put two enormous men’s black shoes on her feet. By the way, Olympic gold-medal-winning gymnast Shannon Miller is used to being asked for her autograph—even when she is at the mall to buy underwear.

• Before the invention of air conditioning, Church of Christ preacher J.D. Tant was speaking on a hot day and so he took off his coat. This didn’t suit one of the women in the congregation, and she let preacher Tant know it after the sermon. Preacher Tant, known for his feistiness, looked at the woman from toe to head, taking in her sheer stockings and her sleeveless, low-cut dress, and then he said, “Why, I could pull off my pants and still have on more than you are wearing.”

• Wingy Manone played jazz trumpet despite losing his right arm. After the house of his friend Bing Crosby burned down, Mr. Manone helped him sort through the wreckage. They came across a clothes closet in which several sports coats were hanging, all of them with the right arm burned off. Mr. Manone looked at the sports coats, then said, “Hey, man, these are for me!”

• While attending Cal State—Fullerton in Fullerton, California, Carol Johnston, who was born with only one arm, bet her gymnastics coach, Lynn Rogers, a sweatsuit that she could do a certain move on the uneven bars. He bet that she couldn’t do it, and when she did the move, he gave her a new sweatsuit.

• Olga Korbut made a number of exhibition appearances in North America between the Munich and the Montreal Olympic Games. Once, during a visit to Montreal, she made headlines by buying a wedding dress although she did not have a groom picked out yet.

Coaches

• Most Olympic ice skaters come from middle- or upper-middle-class families, but Peggy Fleming, winner of the gold medal at the 1968 Olympics, came from a working-class family. Before an important meet in Boston, an early coach, Doryann Sweet, told Ms. Fleming’s mother, “Either you get a new wardrobe and hairstyle, or I don’t go to Boston with you.” Big mistake. The Flemings had no money for even an ice-skating costume for Peggy, much less a new wardrobe and a new hairstyle for her mother. Ms. Sweet was fired, and when Ms. Fleming won her Olympic gold medal, it was with another coach.

• Gustave Lussi of Switzerland coached American Dick Button, who won the gold medal in men’s figure skating in the 1948 and the 1952 Olympics. Mr. Button trusted Mr. Lussi completely, saying that if Mr. Lussi should order him to jump from a window, he would do it—while making sure his toe was pointed and his head was in the proper position.

Comedians

• Early in his career, Bob Newhart wasn’t sure that he wanted to be a stand-up comedian, so he thought that he would write for other comedians. He showed a routine he had written to another comedian who said that he couldn’t use it but would like to see other routines he had written. Shortly afterward, the comedian appeared on Steve Allen’s late-night show—and performed Bob’s routine. Bob thought, “I’m sitting at home watching my own material being done, and I’m not getting paid for it.” Therefore, he decided to become a stand-up comedian and perform his own material rather than let someone else steal it.